If I slip, even if I catch myself, there's suddenly that "what if" feeling that snowballs. Almost having a car accident, starting to think about my or my husband's health. Really seeing and thinking about the two years worth of dust on the door frame mushrooms into old lady, alone, surrounded by piles of newspapers and trash. Attending to the dust at a time like that only reveals the spider webs in the corners and who knows what under the bed where I can't reach? I can only do the dust when it's casual, when I'm thinking of something else and just happen to notice it. In the daylight, on the way to some other part of my life. The almost car crashes I have to get home from and out of the car, into the house and forgetfulness. I have to sleep and hopefully wake up not thinking of health in the morning, all problems solved, only vague awareness that I have toes, "somewhere down there."