Putting it out there helps to hear from other, many thanks. The logical side of my head is straight and I know I need to listen to it more so now than ever.

My emotional side is reeking havoc in the brain stem.... As I am older now, I am very surprised how much I hurt when logically I know this is probably the best outcome for me in the long term.

I would have walked down the isle for this woman, this is why I am beating myself up so much. Whew I dodged a bullet there..