Oh, Purple!

I'm so sorry.
I've been away too long and missed all this. It's horrible the way they treat you. There's really no excuse.
Also, I know exactly what it's like to berate yourself for feeling like you should be coping better. And the anguish and despair that causes. It's not fair to ourselves. I know some of the other stuff surrounding this, and you've been put in a next to impossible situation. Would you really believe me if I told you you're being too hard on yourself? Not the rational part that says "yeah, of course". I mean in your heart. I usually can't. But I so dearly hope you can somewhat.
I'm concerned about your lack of sleep. I was in a state last year where I would be up until 3 or 4am until I could drop from fatigue. That was my lowest point. I'm reluctant to offer advice that hasn't been asked for, but I'd really try to deal with that first.
I know there are complications. Is there any way I can help with any of it?