Dear Vince, You're on a rough stretch of road right now! and your shock absorbers are shot...IT HURTS! those 55 gal barrells of pain in the back are being shook up and bumped around so they've started to leak...(oh great,what next) in the back of your mind you know that this just can't go on...the guy in the seat next to you keeps saying "you know how to fix it dont'cha?" and the truth is, it's soundin mighty good right now. I read what you wrote,and this may not seem to have anything to do with it...but I think theres a deeper issue than what you can put words to right now, we've all got to have something or someone we can lean on in life...that'll make "it" okay, right now you're IT...and man is that overwhelming you! I'm a christian man so naturally I believe that God is the answer to your problem...but it's not, you're "problem" is whats between you and God! it's a lot of nasty stuff that you've accumulated thats been like a crutch to you (sin) I just wish I knew a way to get you to lay it down and WALK in the spirit, but I don't, I could tell you I've been where you are and that it worked for me then,as well as today,and I suspect tomorrow too! but because we're SO diffrent...well you know,it seems a little too good to be true, right? sorry I've rambled on so long, I just can't stand to see people suffer needlessly...I'm also sorry if I've said things that perhaps your not readfy to hear or that seem inappropriate.