A few months ago, I went through a traumatic break with one of my closest friends. It sent me spiralling into a nervous breakdown. I assumed I would never hear from him again.

Today, his caregiver sent me a message from him. He has only a matter of days or weeks to live, and he wanted to apologize for destroying our friendship, ask for forgiveness.

I knew already that he was dying. A mutual friend had told me, and at that time, it did not affect me. But now that he has reached out to say goodbye, I can't stop crying. This has brought closure and pain.

I am so lost now that I don't know what to do. The mutual friend is also friends with another person... a person who would like to see me dead... in fact, she left a note in my LJ saying that she wished I would kill myself. Because of that, I distanced myself from this mutual friend, the only link I had left to my dying friend. But now he has reached out to make amends. I am afraid to trust this mutual friend of ours, but maybe I need to.