I hear you!! I think it does get better but not perfectly ideal. I feel good at times and when I do, I feel happy!! I was in a bad situation when I was initially diagnosed. Finding the right medications was a trial and error experience. It took me about 15 years before I found something that truly helps without much side effects. I have been ill more than 20 years now. Today, I feel great!! I enjoyed myself by eating out and was really happy the weather is nice! I think the main thing to do is to 1. find the right medications 2. be compliant with medications 3. find things that are enjoyable to do 4. live life, meaning find some satisfying thing to do in life whether it be hobby or a job 5. find someone you can confide in- pen pals etc. I have pen pals who are supportive. Also, all things in life are temporary so please find some hope in knowing your situation is only temporary. Hopefully, you become better and stable then find something to do that is satisfying. If this all does not make sense now, I understand. But, don't give up and persevere. Better days lie ahead!