"If he had just admitted the abuse I wouldn't dream of ghosting him."

Well there's a scary sentence.

Look I am partner to a RSO, but believe me he jumped years worth of hoops and walked the nine circles of hell before we got together. I believe people can change or control their behaviour.

But this guy is still in full blown denial. Exhibiting classic abuser behaviour.

More worrying is that your exhibiting classic victim behaviour. Allowing yourself to be separated from your family and friends, believing him even in the face if evidence to the contrary or deluding yourself that it isn't as bad as it sounds.

And this is before your even with the guy. Imagine the grip he will have on you if you get together.

So far things are only online...I would say thank heavens for small mercies.

Just tell him it's not going to work and block him. I wouldn't worry about hurting, sure he will bounce back.

You should be considering your own welfare over his.