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It just hurt me too much to be rejected by the person I "looked up to."
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She didn't reject you. You FORCED her to take the action she did BECAUSE OF YOUR behavior.
That is NOT rejection....that is CONSEQUENCES of your own behavior. You got this idea of rejection stuck in your mind no matter what everyone is telling you. Until you CHANG your thinking to understand REALITY, & not the reality yiu create in your mind you will struggle continuously through your life.