Thanks to everyone here who encouraged me to contact my T last weekend. I ended up texting him Sunday night and he ended up giving me one session today and I'll have another one Wednesday.

I had the genius idea to drink 3 strong cups of coffee before I left for the session. Don't know how I thought that might calm my nerves, but I was shaking when I got there...

We talked about some very disturbing memories. Things I have tried not to think about for years. It was good to hear him say that I wasn't a bad person because of things that have happened in the past.
I felt very ashamed about some of the topics we discussed and it was nice to hear that I don't have to be. And on top of that he got up to get me some tissues instead of letting me usually sob all over my sweater when I don't have tissues on me.