I had a session with my therapist today and she told me that based on the 6 years that we've been working together and my periods of times where I have difficulty functioning due to bipolar II, that I need to accept that this is how things are going to be. How things are going to be as far as not being able to work sometimes or coming in late sometimes. She suggested I look into job accommodations and I will.

I'm just sad because I just want to be able to work consistently like the rest of my coworkers. I'm also sad because I'm tired of going through these rough patches. I also have PMDD, IBS, and more recently SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth).

There are worse things that I could be facing and I know that there are others going through much worse things but that doesn't change the fact that this is hard.

I keep getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore. I don't really want to be alive. That's pretty constant with me regardless of how my other symptoms are. I'm not suicidal but I just simply have a desire to not exist.

I need support but I don't want to go to a support group.

I know my boyfriend is not a good source of support, yet I talk to him about all of it. He had been drinking today and told me my complaining all the time is annoying. I should've said "well your drinking all the time is annoying."

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a little. Just feeling a bit sad.