Oi, I'm in the same boat as far as non-compliance. I absolutely hate the side effects of Zyprexa; I was on only 5 mg and tapered down on my own to 2.5. As if the constant sedating mind fog isn't bad enough, the overwhelming weight gain is beyond depressing. I have a small 5' 1 frame and weighing in at 135 was the point where I noped out on this medication.

The pdoc tried to switch me onto a different antipsychotic, Latuda, which I find to be very activating. What quickly followed was an awful mixed state in which I committed self-harm and dealt with terrible SI. It lasted all evening and I had trouble sleeping and that is when I came to the realization that sometimes, antipsychotics are just more trouble than they're worth.

And so I quit all of them. The next day I didn't take the Latuda and I definitely didn't take the Zyprexa. I completely went off of Zyprexa (against specific doctor's orders due to my huge number of psych hospitalizations from mania induced psychosis) as of last Friday.

It's Monday, and guess what, I'm already a tad skinnier (yay!) BUT, the paranoia is slowly but surely coming back. I've already noticed how I get completely spaced out and start staring off into space thinking about possible scenarios that may or may not have actually happened. I'm slowly losing my orientation and even though it's gradual, it happens fast. I've already been getting less sleep and have been especially "active," in the past few days.

But geez, you guys, it feels so good to feel things again and not be so cloudy and hungry all the time. In a way, even though I feel more out of control at times, it makes me feel like I am the one that's in control again.

As far as my burgeoning symptoms, I'm going to do my best to fight through this and stay oriented. I'm currently taking my SNRI Effexor XR 112 mg (we just lowered it to 112 from 150 and I think I liked being on the 150 more...) I'm still on my Gabapentin 300 mg 4x a day and two at bedtime = 1800 MG of Gaba per day which helps with mood stabilization. Trazedone 100 mg at night time for sleep. Klonopin .5 mg 2x per day for anxiety/PTSD symptoms. Hydroxyzine 25 mg at bedtime for sleep.

I do think that being honest with your pdoc will help you in the long run but it's also about where you feel your relationship with them stands. I'm with a new "team" of doctors and feel that I run the risk of being hospitalized again (involuntarily) if I speak up about this. They were fighting to keep me on Zyprexa, and I'm fighting to stay off.