It's ironic to say at least. I want to help everyone yet nobody is able to help me.


Well I am still going to try to be a surgeon, if it doesn't work out (if I don't get accepted in med school firstly) I will try to be a medical scientist, and if even that doesn't work out I doubt I will live. Because it's medicine that makes my heart pound. I may not be the brightest student in the world but I know I am brilliant. In high school teachers called me a "90+ % student" I managed to get 84% in science the year I graduated science.

But then psychosis hit me. I hit back. That's why I have passed my classes 'till now. Yes I did require great assistance, but I didn't do any bizarre thing despite my literal bizarre delusions. It's very hard for me to maintain my sanity in social situations.


I do hope I get to be a surgeon despite my nerve damage. I just hope. It doesn't make much sense when I talk that's why a clinical specialty is out of question for me. And I want to impact people's lives directly, not by just research, that's why I am considering going to med school in the first place.