In another sinkhole..

I have been feeling... well, not much, in my relationship lately. I think there are several reasons for that.

First, I think part of me got too hurt last time my partner got quiet on me. I didn't like how I was treated, and even though we've talked, apologized, and moved on, that part of me still remembers.

Also, my bf is a skinny guy. I don't care if you're hot or not, but it's getting to the point where he's so thin, he's kind of unattractive. He tried gaining weight before, but didn't keep up with his eating regimen. His arms are probably thinner than mine, and I'm fairly petite.

I'm not getting enough alone time, either. I haven't spend more than a couple hours completely by myself in... months? It's a very rare occasion, and it's starting to drive me crazy. I'm thinking of going on solo hikes, drives, errand runs just to get away. It sucks cos my bf will try to be silly and hug and tickle me, but all I want is to be left alone. It's nothing against him, but because this keeps happening, I'm starting to associate this feeling with him.

I realize these are mostly things I can fix, but it's a lot to just sit down and talk about. I'm not sure whether to do it all at once or gradually. I'm afraid of falling out of love with him. I sometimes wish I was with someone more adventurous and high-energy. My therapist said it's not wrong to wonder what it'd be like if I was with someone else, but I don't know how strong those feelings are.

All of these issues make it hard for me to be and feel affectionate. I don't say "I love you" as much or kiss or hug because I've been feeling, for lack of a better word, annoyed.

When I don't feel crappy and detached like this, I really do love my bf. I've recently gotten more in touch with my "old self," the one that was less anxious and more care-free, the me I was when I met my partner. I've come to several realization lately that could help bring me closer ("he's supportive no matter what;" "he doesn't judge me;" "I can be whoever I want to be around him;" "I miss talking about our hobbies together"). I love it when he picks me up and spins me around, or takes the time to find a nice gift, or tries to cook meals for me.

Not sure if any of this makes sense. I just really want some advice on how to deal with these problems. It feels like I'm slowly falling out of love just when I rediscovered how to love again. My detached feelings are (mostly) a result of me either not taking action or overthinking. I think alone time will help me the most...