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The more you talk about it the more I get the feeling you knew and were very aware that you were pushing boundaries but you didn't care. What you did cared about and what made you mad was getting caught and having a RO against you. You were mad you no longer had the freedom to push yourself on her and make her like you. So you lashed out at everyone.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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