</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Sunny, maybe instead of apologizing use this as a tool to realize that maybe you aren't comfortable letting your T see all parts of you.... you in the the more raw forms, etc. You are so scared of being "dysfunctional" in front of him that you feel the need to apologize for your behavior.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Pink, you are so right on the money! I had an impulse to apologize and it was at odds with my other belief that I had a right to be angry and that I should not feel a need to apologize for expressing anger or to seek reassurance for that. As I've reported here, my "no apology" tendency has won out. It has been so helpful to read all the responses here in this thread. They helped me process the session and do what for me was right.

Pink, there is definitely an element of "I don't want T to see dysfunctional me" to this whole thing. But I am proud now that I did let him see that part of me in session, and that I didn't apologize for being me. I think it goes to show just how safe I feel in that room with T, that I could dump all this anger and anxiety and fear and irrationality. It makes me realize what a long way I have come since beginning therapy. And what a strong relationship T has helped create between us. Of course, I could never be angry outside of therapy.... But, oh well, baby steps.