You remind me somewhat of myself. I still have a hard time struggling with depression/anxiety. I see age 8 as kind of a starting point. I too was perfectionistic.

I think it all goes back to not fitting in with peers as a child. Among your peers, as among mine, were some nice individuals. But you mainly remember the negative treatment. The meaning of the word "bullying" has changed a lot. When I was a kid, a bully was someone who threatened to beat you up. Nowadays, if someone says, "Hey you're ugly!" - that's called bullying. I think we've expanded the definition to apply to anyone who deliberately makes us feel uncomfortable. I would prefer to distinguish different behaviors and name them differently. I felt "cast off" by my classmates as a kid. But they really didn't do that to me. Many were nice and tried to include me . . . tried to draw me out. I just didn't relate well to my age-peers. It's about the worst thing that can happen to a kid - to feel like you don't belong. My interests were different. Maybe today I would have been diagnosed as being on the autustic spectrum. But I think that's another case of a word having its definition elasticised to the point of meaninglessness.

Like you, I did well academically. That made the adults in my world think I was just fine. I knew I was far from fine. It made me angry that many adults thought I was the ideal child. They were deaf and blind to my distress.

Like you I could perform some roles successfully. You've worked well with children in some settings. That's something you can build on.

Look at what was really going on in your childhood. There's way more to this story than "I was bullied."