I written about this before. But my story is that I’ve been seeing my psychologist for a year plus. He’s youngish maybe 33-35. He’s attractive to me. I understand transference and countertranference. I also understand that clients can start thinking that their therapist likes them when they don’t.

I thought this when I first started, but I have a few theories. I should also note that I’m studying psychology myself, just started and I haven’t told him.

In my last session. While I was talking, he slowly ran his hands through his hair. He had a fresh cut, it was short, there wasn’t any hair out of place. I had stopped feeling uncomfortable months ago due to me thinking he was cute. But it happened again. He didn’t do it once, maybe three or four times and the eye contact - to me- seemed slightly sultry. Very very slightly...seductive that I had to look away.

My theory is that he knows that’s preening, but it seems conscious. I’m in sales and right before a customer has asked me out, they run their hands through their hair but nervously and I know it’s coming. This seems deliberate. I don’t mirror because I don’t want to. But I note his cheeks are blushing, it’s cold as well. He could be frustrated but he’s not short with me.

But as he does it, all I can think of is what is he doing. And when I leave, for the first time in a long time. My face was hot, but I don’t think he could see because of my makeup.

A few sessions ago he asked or in a way (the way I took it) was that maybe I was dependent or used these sessions to get a kick. I sometimes think that he does.

Any thoughts? And I’m aware it could be me wanting to see something. But it’s bugging me