Hello, my name is Matt, but I guess you could call me AllMight302 if you really wanted to. I’m 16, and I sought out this forum because I need some help. My sister and I have a very complicated relationship. For as long as I could remember, up until a few years ago, I was physically and emotionally harmed by my sister on a daily basis. We had to share a room, and a bed for some time. We just didn’t have a big enough house for the both of us to have separate rooms.

Whenever slightly provoked, she would bite me, claw at me until I bled, dug her nails into me, she has thrown heavy objects at me, she has hit me with various objects, she has berated me and made fun of me because of my weight, and would make fun of me anytime she would get. I couldn’t bear to be around her, she would hit me until I bruised or sometimes bled, she would treat me horribly for years.

Eventually I moved everything I had into the living room. My parents spanked her for acting out, but it never helped. Maybe they just hurt the problem and fueled her rage even further. She never quit until I was big enough to where she just couldn’t hurt me anymore. My parents also didn’t have the best relationship at the time, and would fight in front of us a lot of the time. They would curse and scream at each other until they were out of breath, and maybe that is what brought my sister over the edge.

The physical abuse didn’t stop until A. I was too big for her to truly hurt me, and B. When my mother took my sister to family therapy/counceling. The emotional abuse still happens to this day, but I’ll speak more on that later. My sister went to the therapist for a while, and began to taunt her “clinically diagnosed” bipolar depression around as a shield. She still berated me, calling me fat and worthless, and things of that sort.

Soon I was told to have patience with my sister, because she had a problem. One the therapist couldn’t figure out, nor my parents. I had trouble coming to terms with the fact the sole purpose for my childhood being bad should be whole-heartedly forgiven and I should let things go. I never brought my feelings up to my parents, they would just feel worse and blame themselves. I love them too much to let that happen.

Anyways, my sister attempted suicide with the medicine I take for migraines. After a couple of years of telling me, and my family, that we were the reason she didn’t want to live and called us horrible family members, again calling me a wortless brother, she finally attempted what she had spent years talking about. This is where I realized her problems may be real, and that I should take her seriously, but I just couldn’t.

To this day she taunts me with her attempt at taking her own life, she knows it breaks my heart. While not as often, she’ll still tell me that I’m the reason she is the way she is. I just want to know if I’m in the right or in the wrong in feeling the way I do about her. I don’t hate her, but I feel a disconnect with her. Her attempted suicide breaks my heart, but there is still a part of me that doesn’t see her as a sister, just someone I’ve lived with all my life. I just want to know if my problems are REAL.

I’m awake often at night thinking about these things. I’m not who I want to be, and I just hate myself. She has drilled into my head that I AM nothing. It just breaks my ****ing heart. I don’t know if I should see a therapist, and I don’t tell my parents my problems. I just want someone to help me understand if what I’m going throught is truly abuse, or if I’m just milking it. Life’s been unfortunate for my family and I, but those things don’t bother me nearly as much as she does.

I just need help, guys. Thanks for reading this.

Much love,
Matt