My parents drain my confidence in a lot of ways. Mostly their attitude towards me, their method of treating me, their thinking towards me (Mom jokes that it was a "favor" I was born to her, to her side) and their occasional stupidity. They say very cruel things to me, like "A man that cannot sit properly is going to earn and feed himself" Mom told me today, why? Because my pant was in tension. She thinks it's my posture that tenses the pant, while the truth is I am getting fatter due to lack of activity, i.e., forced to be at home all day, unless it's college, which is very important, for that I should focus writing answers on a piece of paper. Isn't science education all about theory? What is a lab? Both of them call my a rural word for 'child' yet I am going to turn eighteen in five months. They force me to do household chores because I deep inside me know I will never be successful, because I have various conditions arising from early trauma and later bad parenting. And even if it is my posture it isn't something I can control, for ****'s sake they need to see a psychiatrist as well, yet I am the stupid one for having insight in me.

Mom has pseudo-insight in her, telling us that it a ghost which makes her hysterical. Did I mention my little sister? Oh, she is going to have a tough life as well... I sometimes wonder why I was born to such .... monsters?

I wish I could just die...


I don't know, really ,what to do. They drain my confidence, tell me to study, but since I've lost all hope, thanks to their confidence-draining attitude, I refuse to study, they get mad at me and tell me to do household chores, like making me change the mattress in bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I think it's really my fault, I shouldn't have tried to make other people feel better, I shouldn't even have thought of it. What's the use if I am getting crazier and crazier everyday because of their dementia? There will come a time when they think I am five years old and sing me lullaby to sleep, as it often occurs in dementia, where will I go then? They show symptoms of dementia, their thinking is getting illogical and illogical day by day.

I am scared. My doctor doesn't listen to me, and he's far away from my home. How can I live in this house of horrors?

Is it my fault I wanted to make people feel better? To end their suffering? Is it my fault? Why did I think of it in the first place... being born to demented parents isn't a nice thing.