Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
Could you talk about this pattern of wanting to be cared for/by men in authority where you either end up feeling rejected or, in your attempt to capture that feeling of being cared about, do things to heighten feelings of rejection? Because it sounds a lot like when you've talked about your dad saying something about choosing your mom over you. Maybe this pattern has been an attempt to correct that past hurt, which doesn't actually work so you keep recreating those old feelings instead of putting them in their place.
That might help get your therapy back on track instead of focusing on how your therapist and ex mc and e xtherapist hurt you, because that can just be a neverending loop that doesn't go anywhere.
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That's a good idea. That's part of what I meant when I was trying to explain to him what dealing with transference could look like--noticing a pattern with him, then relating it to stuff from my past (or possibly current life, like with H). And T may not realize that's what's been going on, so he thinks it's about HIM, when it's really not. It's a pattern. So this could be a way to move forward, thanks.
Something else I thought of: His not wanting to talk about certain topics as well as him seeming to shut down my desire to play the ex-MC VM also brings me back to childhood stuff, since there were certain things I either wasn't supposed to talk about with my parents or that my mom thought I wasn't supposed to talk about with other people. So...in a way, this is replaying that, too.
And in some ways, it makes me just want to tell him all those thoughts (like, all at once), in an "OK, either deal with this or make me leave" way, but I know that's not productive either. And strikes me as a very adolescent/teenage way to deal with it, too...though he does partly focus on teens/young adults, maybe he'd be able to handle me better if he knows this is teenage part of me coming out...