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Rapunzel said:
Talking to T on the phone can be really hard. That, and how it affects you and why, are very good things to talk about. I hope that you find more good places than bad places today.

TC,
Rap

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yeah - why is that?! we had a really hard session monday, and i had i dunno what - a major depressive episode or something - all tuesday; called her vm and told her i was going to a support group. so she calls me wed. and my verneer was shattered by her call - SIed more than i used to... so instead of calling her like she asked me to if i got into a bad place, i emailed her because clearly talking via phone wasn't working. I told her about the SI. so she calls me tonight and all i can say is "HI... oh... ok.... ok...ok... bye" and as soon as i get off, i start crying all over again. i purposely made my self go to a church choir (which naturally wasn't meeting tonight so i took up plan b and got food for the cat and I.
I am working on being safe.... i am also frustrated on how i am supposed to move forward when that means tearing down the protective barrier that has kept me alive thus far... the dam feels like it's breaking.