lyn- yeah, right now i am holding it together, ty. i do the same thing - call t when i know she's not available and the vm will get it. I can't show her my vunerability - that whole "dam breaking" thing again. I almost was going to cancel my appointment on monday so i didn't have to face her and deal with more *stuff*... but she beat me to it, telling me the office is closed for the holiday AND we're still meeting, time to be determined based on my work schedule.
i am struggling with this; it is good that she cares and is concerned... and i don't want someone to care... or, rather i do, but i don't want them to KNOW i need care. because that (to me and my *&$^# up bringing) is weakness and sets myself up to be*&$^& with. or the internal workings of my system will do it for me. =(
THis is not fun!!!

.............. and how are you doing?