Yep makes sense, glad I'm not alone. I wrote out a journal thing I'll read in therapy about it.

I had a rupture with my therapist in May that nearly ruined our great relationship, because I got so crazy spooked about him abandoning me and I thought that was my issue but it really isn't. I'm ok without him, most days.... this was the real issue, because I've never felt actually cared about by someone like this. I had to constantly question it and had to say, it's only because I pay him or he has to be. Not because I'm worth it but he goes above and beyond for me and it's really unfair to use those reasons... so I struggled because I could not understand or accept WHY he cares or feels I matter. It really freaks me out and it's hard to understand.

Another good example... my best friend lives in another state.... sometimes we will be laughing and she says "I love you" and I cringe. I instantly laugh because there is no way she is actually serious. I've been friends with her for 6 years and I still don't believe her for a second. It's sad really

However, I believe completely that my dog loves and cares for me. The only real love I've ever known, was from dogs.

Is there even any hope to work through this? Seems like a daunting task