I don't think Dr. T is worried that what he might hear on the VM will make him think ill of ex MC. I think he just doesn't see the therapeutic value of you listening to a VM you admit you haven't listened to in ages that will just dredge up old feelings. I think you (subconsciously) are motivated to play out this painful act to put your T in a position where he would need to comfort you. I don't think you're consciously trying to be manipulative to get your emotional needs met, but this is indeed a way to manipulate your T into giving you what you are craving from him. The reason I say this is because you haven't felt the need to listen to the VM outside of therapy for many months. Of course, I am speculating, and I could be wrong, but it's worth thinking over whether this scenario rings true.

As for grieving the ex-MC relationship, I can understand the need for that. However, I question whether listening to the VM needs to be a part of it. I'm concerned it could just set you back. It also seems to me that you sometimes speak as if your attachment issues originated with ex MC and this leads you to devote more time to him than might actually be helpful. Since the relationship with him is still fresh in your mind, I understand why it is tempting to allow it to be the focus. However, I encourage you to try your best to dig deep and spend more time on the childhood stuff - that's when the attachment stuff all started.