quit blaming everything but yourself. the feeling of helplessness is just that the feeling of helplessness, you felt bad and you chose to act out elsewhere. realize this and most of your problems will go away. You're choosing paths of defiance and irresponsibility and then acting like everything outside yourself is making you do these things. when you take responsibility fully for your actions you can then realize that nothing outside yourself needs to control your behavior because you're making a choice. taking responsibility works wonders for helping you think twice on making a bad choice.