Thank you everyone for your advice and support.

I went on a little vacation with me, him, and some friends recently, which has reinvigorated me to enjoy life and be myself. Along with mindfulness and other things, I'm feeling better than ever. I don't worry about disappointing him so much.

However, now that I am thinking more clearly, I am realizing how many things he's been doing "wrong." He's oblivious to other people's emotions; he was a real bummer during our trip and it affected how much I enjoyed time with my friends. It's hard to maintain serious conversations with him. He doesn't take chances with me, he doesn't get out of his comfort zone. He rarely shows enthusiasm for all of the ideas I have. It takes him a lot of effort to get out, and he's slow at everything.

He keeps encouraging me to be myself, he says he's fine staying in the apartment as long as he's with me. But I get so anxious and never get out myself because anytime I want to go for a hike or trip or new restaurant, it's met with no more than, "sure, ok."

I'm gonna address these things sooner rather than later. It's his birthday soon, and I was gonna wait until after, but I don't want to give a nice gift under the pretense of "oh I love you" but then be like, "But, there's a lot of red flags I've noticed and haven't brought up until now."

Yes, I feel terrible that I've been putting this off, that I'm doing this during a sensitive time in his life. And he might be depressed, and I'm willing to help him through that. But he's GOT to put more effort into both himself and this relationship. I keep wishing I was with someone who had a get-up-and-go attitude, where it wouldn't feel like a chore to get him out of bed early just to get outside. If he's not willing to work through this as hard as I have been, then it might be time to take a break...