Oh, I SO relate!!! I just had this conversation with my seven year old today. He asked what all my medicine was for and I said I had a brain disease called bipolar that made me really happy sometimes and really sad other times. I told him that’s why I go to the hospital sometimes, because I need more help for my brain. He sort of understood.

I just feel so awful sometimes though, just like you said. I nap a lot and I don’t play with him as much as I should or could. He’s an only child so he only has me to play with. Even if my husband hadn’t died I couldn’t have another one. I wouldn’t be able to go off medication to be pregnant for nine months. I would probably have to be hospitalized the whole time so I didn’t hurt myself. And there’s no way I could deal with a newborn again. My son hardly ever slept. I would go crazy.

I too hate cooking. He eats peanut butter sandwiches most days, or hot dogs, mac n cheese, spaghetti. I maybe cook from scratch once a week. And even then I rely on frozen or canned veggies and boxed sides. We go out to eat a lot. McDonald’s is our go to place which I know is terrible health wise but sometimes it’s all I have the patience for. I’m ok at keeping things clean but he’s terrible at it. His room is a total wreck and I have no energy to make him clean it.

He’s likely going to be diagnosed with ADHD and possible sensory issues and it’s so overwhelming to me to think of all of his possible needs in the future. Like will I have to request an IEP? What about a 504 plan? Will he grow to hate school? Will I have to medicate him? I so wish my husband were still alive just so I could at least have someone to help me with all this.

So anyway I’m totally with you. I have no advice I just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone at all.

And I bet in the eyes of our children we are the best moms ever no matter what