i am sorry things are so hard for you right now... but, i am glad you t cares about you... i know how hard it is to let someone know how vulnerable you are feeling right now... but i think that is (unfortunately) part of the healing... i am glad you kept your appointment and are reaching out... even if it's too hard to talk with her on the phone... email and my way of hit and run message on the answering machine... is ok... because... guess what will be on the agenda for your next session... but the time between will give you time to prepare... and process the information so your not in that place as long.

my t asked me to tell him what was going on with my panic attacks... that he was really concerned and that we needed to come up with a plan for me to be safe while he was gone... he said that things were actually getting a little better as far as the boys were concerned that these crisis had been pushing them in the right directions and that in the past my panic attacks seem to correlate with what was happening with them... i have been having flashbacks or at least that is what i think they are... lol... they are familiar ones... but i realized something ... something i wish i didn't... i had to tell my t that he was right and we can put my dad (my hero) on the list of abusers... because if i didn't i would stuff it into one of the boxes in my head and by the time he got back from thailand it would be lost... but not forgotten if that makes any sense... i sat there answering his questions showing him my arm...which for some reason not understood by me... is still si free... knowing that i needed to tell him...and finally was only able to blurt out that i needed to tell him something... and then danced around the subject until he took hold and i was able to admit that my flashbacks (were in pennsylvania) which meant that the abuse took place in both places...i had always wanted to believe that what happened in california was my dad parenting me...that he didn't know not understand... which was really out of character for him... grrrrr so to answer your question... i am just peachy... but for some reason not understood by me i still haven't cut...just can't control my food issues at all...lyn