I am feeling ok after one of my pen pals wrote me. We all have problems and suffer in some manner. I am grateful for what I have. I believe, if I had stayed at home, I would have never found any jobs. I have jobs here and should be thankful for whatever I have. I am also free to do whatever I'd like. It is not as bad as it seems. Living in poverty is hard at times. I can't do whatever I want but am free to do what I'd like. I think the weather has been getting me down because I feel so tired with no energy. I don't think hot and humid weather is good for my mental illness. It weighs me down. But, I am cool with an air conditioner and fan. I am doing ok. I want to do more but feel thankful for what I am able to do so far. Thinking back, I was very impaired so being free and doing what I'd like is better than being in the hospital with no freedom. I eat what I like and the food is really good here! I also can come on this site whenever and write freely about my feelings. I cherish these little things in life now. I think because I compare myself to others, I feel inadequate and unhappy at times. But, then I realize they don't have the issues I have and don't need to deal with them. I think given my situation, I am doing really well. I also feel others wanting me to become a doctor again when I am not interested in doing so. I can't do it and don't need to be told that I can. Thus, I am realizing I am doing what I'd like and should not complain about my situation. I have a lot of problems of self-esteem stemming from child abuse and other factors. However, I feel pretty good at times and wonder if these periods of depression and doubt are from my illness or from my situation that I'm experiencing now. I don't have the answer to this. I do feel peace and happiness because I'm not near my family and don't have to listen to them argue and fight all of the time anymore. I sleep as much as I want and do what I like within my means. Life is pretty good but when I feel tired with no energy, it makes me sad and doubtful about myself. I'm sure everybody else would feel similar if they experienced such lows. Thus, I'm happy to have someone listen to me and write to me. I feel supported. Also, I can do more if I'd like with work, but I shall see if I can get more jobs as it is. Ageism is everywhere. People are surprised I am old. It is ok. I look young but have many experiences. I am like aged cheese which is full of flavor and texture. I have something to offer. I won't give up so easily. Hmm, this weather is awful and hope it will pass soon. Again, I ramble.