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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I think you could put together your posts into a book that people would get something out of reading.
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Thanks, Anne. I've thought of doing something like that at some point actually--there seems to be a serious lack of info out there for clients dealing with things like transference (a few blogs, plus a couple books touch on it a bit, but I haven't seen much else in firsthand experiences). Would probably have to use a pseudonym though!
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One thing that strikes me is whether you and your T are on the same page with respect to your goals in therapy. Maybe what you are interpreting as his lack of comfort with content is not that but his desire to keep you moving forward rather than backwards. I think that interactions have different impact and value depending on whether someone is trying to improve the intimacy in her marriage, or trying to heal from rejection or loss of/from significant others, or achieve other personal or professional goals.
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You're definitely on to something here. He's said a few times that he really doesn't want to replicate the ex-MC relationship, because he doesn't think that would be healthy for me. I think much of this, from what he's said, is his trying to look out for my well-being, not wanting me to get attached to or too focused on him, but instead to focus on my outside (as in, not therapeutic) relationships. I think for a while there he was trying so hard to keep me from being attached that he went too far in the other direction.
At one point, during the initial stone discussions (stonegate?), I said I needed him to meet me where I am right now, which is somewhat attached and with some transference, and to move forward from there. Like to accept where I am right now instead of trying to prevent something that already had occurred from happening. I think he understands more now what I need, that he can meet some of those needs (like reassurance that he's not going to terminate because I say/do something that makes him uncomfortable) while also not encouraging dependency (which I think ex-MC did to some extent--encourage dependency, I mean).
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I find your therapy interesting because very little of mine is spent on the relationship, although I have questioned him about his reactions in both little and larger ways, but from time to time. But I'm not in therapy for relational reasons and I don't have specific relational goals-- although a side benefit has been when working on my stuff, my relationships get better.
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My therapy with ex-T wasn't really about that either, though there was some negative maternal transference going on (she's a lot like my mom, plus the same age as her). But then all the transference stuff with ex-MC sort of unearthed some of my attachment needs, stuff from childhood, etc.
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You don't have to share, obviously, I'm just curious about whether you feel (beyond whether a session is good or not) that you are making progress on the things that cause you pain (or maybe that's not even it, anyway, as maybe your life is exactly the way you want it.
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I definitely think I'm making progress with this T--it's one of the main reasons I've opted to stay with him. I feel I've made more progress with him in 9 months (granted, part of that was twice-weekly sessions) than in the last 3 or 4 years I was with ex-T and ex-MC. Even though this isn't something we've necessarily worked on that much, I've found myself being more social--inviting friends to do things instead of waiting for them to take the lead, going to yoga classes, etc. I think he's helping my relationship with H. I'm understanding myself better. And I guess I'm just feeler stronger, more self-assured. The thing is...I can't say for sure if some of that could have also been a result of getting away from ex-MC. But I think T helped me with that, too (yes, there was the whole rupture with ex-MC in December that led to the end, but I was starting to detach from ex-MC in the few months before that).
I guess overall I just feel more empowered and hopeful under current T. (that was probably a much longer answer than you were looking for!)