So I told my husband that I took 10mg of Zyprexa the night before last and he said nothing. Today I told him I took 2.5 mg last night because of my anxiety. He told me if I’m trying to get off it I shouldn’t be taking it at all. That maybe if I dropped caffeine like I was maybe my anxiety would go down. He didn’t sleep last night. We picked up melatonin so even if he “naps” during the day he can sleep at night. I feel like just throwing the zyprexa away. I haven’t ate yet today and really don’t want to. My husband bought chicken but now he’s reading books with my nephew and the chicken is going to get soggy and greasy. Then I really won’t want it. I know he’s throwing little jabs at me but I’m probably doing it too. I’m ****ing up. I don’t know whether I’m up, down or just okay. I want this crushing in my chest to go away. I can get it to go away using self harm but then I’m admitting defeat. Honestly if I start I’m not 100% sure I’d stop. I cried today. I’m hoping everything mellows out soon. So what does everyone do when their significant others are not supportive? I really feel I don’t deserve to live.

7:30 I ate a little and had milk