I can relate -- except with the kid's perspective. I'm only 20 so I remember what it was like seeing my dad through my limited perspective as a child. He has severe depression and anxiety. I was always worried about why he seemed sad or why he didn't want to play catch with me in the backyard anymore. He spent all his time at work (still does) and when he comes home, he just ate dinner with us and then would go take long walks until it got dark. My parents did not/do not have relationship problems, and with the benefit of hindsight, I think he did this because he perceived himself to be a "bummer" to be around and didn't want us to have to be around him. (Of course, that's not how we felt at all.)

Like your daughter, I did well on all my TAKS tests (before the STAAR days, lol) and competed in UIL. But still I have bipolar in addition to other mental illnesses.

But that is not because of my dad. In fact, I really really admire you for taking the time to explain to your daughter the best you can, because I think it's really important for kids to know about this so, like you said, if anything happens to her she knows to tell someone. I wish my dad had been open about it with me. (He still isn't very open about it.) It took me years to get help, when I could have asked back in middle school when this all started and gotten help then. But I didn't even understand what was happening, let alone how to ask for help.

I guess my point is, you are not a bad mom, not at all. The fact that you care so deeply about your daughter and want her to understand says so much. Sometimes other people hide behind their mental illnesses and use them as an excuse to treat others poorly. You are doing the opposite. You ought to be proud of yourself for being such a good mom despite the cards you have been dealt.

And your last point? There are problems everywhere. Wars, hunger, disease. Those problems are important, but so are yours. Problems elsewhere don't change the problems that are right in front of you. Your feelings are valid and you deserve help and support even if you think your problems aren't "big enough."

Big hugs to you. <3