Mouse, I hear you, thanks. Unfortunately, my ability to quite my mind and be patient is challenging.

In a recent conversation with my childhood friend, she shared some of her memories of someone with me. They were very warm and loving memories. At one point I mentioned a regret I had in my relationship with this person. My friend challenged my memory of events. She shared two distinct memories including very specific details. Her memories directly contradicted my less clear memories. She stated that she thought I was really judging myself and my actions during the past too harshly. Her memories provided clear evidence of a very caring 2-way relationship between me and this person. The thing is even after she gave me specific details, I still don’t remember these exchanges or more importantly the good feelings that would have been associated with them. Although I have a lot of trust issues, I can honestly say I trust my childhood friend. She would not lie to me about this. I know she is telling the truth, but I just can’t remember it from any perspective. This really bothers me. It’s like I’ve completely eased the good feelings and memories associated with this person, leaving only the feelings of pain, guilt, anger, and regret. I can’t see at this point any reason for doing that. I also don’t get why, when I now know they exist in my head somewhere, I still can't remember them. I really need to feel these good memories at this point. I know that it is OK for me to feel the negative ones too. An accurate memory of this person and our true relationship is important to me. I guess what I really need are not only 1st person memories, but to FEEL the crazy mix of emotions that go along with them. Even if I can't share them with others I want to experience them again for myself. I know it sounds stupid.

Perna, you said.. "another person overwhelmed one person.." Can you explain what you mean a little more? Are you saying that strong memories of one person, kind of consumed or blotted out your memories of another?

Not sure why I am thinking of this today. I guess I just am trying to break my childish pattern of ignoring, dismissing, denying. I'm saddened by not being able to remember this relationship clearly including both the good and not so good parts. For some reason this seems important to me at the moment.