Thanks. I think it's more that I don't relate to people and I'm afraid I'll seem inferior or will be misunderstood by them. Or if I let people get to know me, I'll have to defend how I define myself. I've spent much of my life around argumentative people and over time I've found it much safer and more comfortable to just not have an opinion. Or to express needs, especially emotional ones. I think your post has demonstrated more emotional support than my parents have been capable of giving, at least to me as an adult.

The feeling of not really being loved or accepted by family is devastating. I was the least favorite grandkid of one set of grandparents and not because of anything I did, but because of things my parents did/didn't do. My parents will never get to really know me because they've made it clear that they don't accept/want to understand any sexuality or gender outside of the so-called "norm".

Even with a significant other who is accepting, he doesn't understand. He tries to, but he just can't. He just sees me as me and for some reason, that feels invalidating.