Setting the relationship aside, if he feels the right fit for him in a job is working a night shift job, then I don't think you should discourage that. I also think it's wrong to compare your depression and anxiety and its effect on your life, with his depression and anxiety and how it affects him. These disorders affect everyone differently. There were times when I could NOT work due to depression and anxiety and PTSD. And now, in the right job, I can work. But it's pretty much because, like your BF, I was able to find something that allowed me to do the self-care I need to do and be in an environment that doesn't trigger me too greatly.

I understand that there are other issues, and him not paying his way is a big one. I can understand your resentment. However, I also think that you could be more understanding if he does not want to go out or do certain things because of how he is feeling with his depression/anxiety.

If he can successfully keep down a night shift type job, then I think you should encourage him. Yes, you won't see each other as much. You will have to be diligent about scheduling quality time together on days off. But won't you feel so much better if he's contributing, and won't he feel better if he's working a job he's comfortable with? Maybe a "career-type job" isn't for him. I'm not condoning his lack of contribution to the household - that's a major issue; but I also hear a lot of pressure from you for him to live up to expectations that you have, that he might not subscribe to or that may be impossible due to his depression and anxiety.

I would try letting him do the night shift type job, if it were me. Also, are either of you in therapy or seeing a psychiatrist?

Seesaw