Thanks for explaining Perna. While digging around in your past, were you ever able to retrieve more complete independent memories of your Dad between 5-42? Or have they remained tainted and mixed up with by the conflicts and turmoil of your relationship with your Stepmother?

Junerain, thanks for your comments. I wish there were people to ask, now that I am more engaged and have questions, unfortunately that is not possible in this situation.

Sunrise, maybe it is hard for me to deal with conflicting memories and feelings. I've spent most of my life mastering the ability to detach from my emotions, maybe this is just some phase of trying to reintegrate some pieces. This has been a weird process. For a while I've been able to remember things kind of like in the form of silent movie clips. I could remember things but the corresponding soundtrack (feelings and emotions) were not accessible. I've been really trying to retrieve the feelings and emotions that went with them. Put they just don't make sense, are skewed, jumbled or all tangled together. I know our minds make weird associations and connection, so maybe this is part of the process. Like Mouse said maybe I just need time to sort things out.

I just feel like there are whole chunks missing and the emotional pieces is out of sync. I like an accurate picture and soundtrack of this relationship.