I don't know if this post belongs here or not but since it's about dissociation hopefully it does.

There was a bunch of chaos and drama happening at my house last night that I had to deal with.It made me feel so upset and anxious I thought I might faint.I got through it but then I couldn't get to sleep last night because it kept replaying over and over in my mind.Having to face and deal with life without being DID is a challenge sometimes.When it's major stuff like last night I hate how it makes me feel and how I react.Maybe it will get easier as time goes by but maybe it won't either.Life has been really stressful lately and the automatic dissociation isn't there anymore.A couple of weeks ago I started trying to make myself dissociate and the closest I could get to it was that in between when you're trying to go to sleep and you start drifting off and you're half asleep half awake.When I would start falling asleep I would force myself awake.It was nothing like dissociation though.It makes me realize how much I relied on and how automatic dissociating was for me before integration.When things got rough it was automatic.Now when things get rough I have to rely on all the tools I learned in therapy to get through situations.I wonder if eventually it will become automatic and get easier.My therapist said it all just takes time and practice and I hope he's right.