you guys will have to forgive me if i am jumping ahead or rehashing stuff.. i don't have as much time to read the whole thread and i so badly want to help if i can...

sweetie.. tell me, this squeezing out of the good feelings.. it is not unique, no? forgive me and correct me should i be wrong.. but i am inclined to think this may be a self punishment sort of behaviour. Perhaps you are, or have in the past, been removing the good feelings from things, people and events. Maybe you shove them away, maybe you skew the memory.. who knows? But you may be doing these things for many reasons.. not feeling like you are lovable or deserving of love for example. Does this make any sense?

if any of this is true.. it could go a long way to explaining why you have so much trouble with good feelings now.. yes?

maybe you have been conditioned to filter out the good, leaving the bad, and then have grown to further perfect that process

just a thought

sending fresh baked cake.. because there ain't nothing better than cake