It had become my identity after it happened. It was all I could think about & all I seemed to be able to talk about. It also triggered my anorexia to relapse which landed me in the medical hospital at the same time my mom died of cancer. The hospital was my escape where I got cared for physically & psyc as my GP called in the staff pdoc & psycholigist to see me almost daily.....but it took years before I could process what happened.

I actually left & moved 2100 miles away to a totally new small town where I knew no one....trying to give myself a chance to start over. One T I saw said he was sure from what I told him that my life had more trauma piled up than the last one I recognized....it made sense....but being totally away from the environment I had lived in gave me a chance to focus on so much more in life than what I had gone through.....my identity became my new life & that trauma identity faded away as I was able to process my past life in a more peaceful setting. It has been freeing to have the past as processed & understood thoughts rather than present & constant anxiety.

We can get through & past it but it does take years of work & feeling like one is in a much safer place even if it us not 100% safe from past things hitting in the present. For me, not having to live in the environment 24/7 gave me relief breaks where healing could start to happen & so coukd letting go of the emotional pains I had lived with for so long probably because I knew I was creating a new life for myself.