Those are just the portions I remember the clearest, and most of it is there. I remember specifically asking him about quality of life and asking him, too, if he really thought me taking meds was going to improve my situation. He couldn't answer.

At that moment, though, I really wanted to be (and still do) "non-functional" because then I don't have to think. Right now, two parts of me are at war: the parts that want to just sleep forever, and the other part that gets pissed off at the situation and the inability to change it. If I have to be stuck behind this invisible wall that no one sees but me and is always there for the rest of my life, why wouldn't I want to be rendered comatose through the creative use of psychotropics? All indications are that I will be alone years before I die through natural causes; why suffer when I can sleep?