so sad

what a difference a day makes eh?

i've had a very bad day Not H's fault.. i have been feeling bad for him.. protective.. so confused

i'm some kind of monster i think

am i as bad a person as i feel i am? how do i really know?

today i had one of the days where i try so hard to be positive and outgoing.. i have this role i "play" that looks pretty confident to everyone else... thing is i'm NOT confident.. i can just LOOK confident.... and because i don't understand interaction so well i don't have any clue when i am going back and forth over boundaries or social rules.. i end up feeling bad afterwards. i am pretty sure i gave my prof far too hard of a time today - in class.

i don't mean to be this way

some other student made me feel pretty crappy.. she said something off hand to me which was one of those im-cutting-you-but-you-arent-totally-sure things... a back-handed kind of compliment/insult. Catty little thing. It hurt.

there is something wrong with me... i'm not made right. i can't be happy or be like other people.

i want out now

so sad