I don't see the point in creating another thread about this, so I'll just keep writing here.

There's no point in waking up, anymore. Only time I'm okay with it is when I pack a bowl or take a shot first thing. All of my dreams are horrific with ones that cut through my heart in between. Every moment I'm awake is another moment lost. Every breath I take is a waste. I'm a waste.



When I'm not thinking about that, I'm ruminating on everything and everyone I've lost over the years. My friend's birthday is coming up soon, she's been dead for nearly two years. I don't want to be alive for another death-anniversary. Just breathing is a task, a task I wish I could reprogram my brain to stop. I'm tired of hurting like this, and I know I deserve it, but I think I'm done paying my dues here.