I don't think you are "off/wrong" when you say this because the truth is our history and challenges contribute a lot to who we are as a person. I think in the healing process a person will have to "grieve" whatever way they interpreted the world and themselves when they faced toxic/traumatic situations. We are designed to survive, to figure out how to thrive despite whatever "threats" we face in our environment as well as how our parents and families affect how we see ourselves and the world and how one might develop ways to detach or ignore or interact in unhealthy ways without even realizing they are doing so. I think the process of "healing" is recognizing one's own thinking patterns that can be unhealthy, and then "gradually" learning how to slowly develop better healthier ways of interacting when feeling challenged or afraid or threatened in some way.