If my family knew I was on this site they would be very upset. But I don't want to disappoint them, so I say nothing. I also don't want them to think I'm weak. I know that depression is not a weakness, but I was doing so well, and I feel like I am sliding back into the abyss.
I am so sorry you have been suffering for five years. Know that you have people here who will listen to you and feel similarly. I relate very much to your comment about feeling as if there is nothing to look forward to. I find myself feeling that way often; I am quite a bit older than you, but I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I think, it's over. It's too late. I don't know why I think that, and intellectually I know I should not. But if I am being honest, I do feel that way.