I do it because I hate myself. Pure, undistilled loathing. I just lost my gf. She just...didn't want me anymore. And of course, I blame myself because everyone leaves in the end. And this time, I was the cause of it for some unknown reasons. So this lead me to not only raging out and hitting myself, but doing so at 80 mph an hour down the interstate. My hands shake as I type that. I realize how dangerous that was, and in the very center of that rage, I didn't care. Make me lose my gf, mofo? That was the one thought I had. I really feel a rather strange urge to seperate myself from this other half of me and use pronouns other than "myself," that's how badly I loathe myself.

Feels even stranger to find some others who also feel that this is a form of self-harm.