No, for a variety of reasons, but primarily because it's very difficult for me to trust psychologists after one used her position to threaten me with indefinite civil commitment for not being able to remember a trivial detail from many years prior, and her boss knew about it but wouldn't back me up or discipline her.

Plus, I'm on medicaid, and no psychologists near me take it.

Nor will I ever willingly go into a hospital or institutional setting. Never. I will take my chances, thank you.

Third, if I have PTSD, it's deserved. Crazy, right? Well, irl, not so much. That self-hatred has lead me on a fascinating journey of brinksmanship with myself that has devolved into self-harm with fists whenever I screw up bad enough at something and it sparks my rage. This results in situations like abandoning something as soon as I see the odds are no longer in my favor. I don't do things anymore unless I can be absolutely assured of success. I am very particular about the way I like things, too. It seems I have become strangely analytical and critical in my old age of 38 whereas in my youth, I would have said I was a right-brainer.

And honestly, you'd think being right aout one's situation and position in the universe all the time would be amazing--it's really, really not.