I haven’t had a great two days. Spent most of my time in bed. Sunday night i let NV spend the night for the first time. So I didn’t sleep much, worried about whether my son would wake up etc, plus it was super hot with the door shut (I can’t have AC in my room) and I was worried NV was uncomfortable. It was stupid really, I should have not worried and just slept. But anyway we went out to lunch/breakfast Monday and after he left I went to bed and stayed there. I even skipped my therapy appointment which I NEVER do because I love my therapist. I just couldn’t fathom getting out of bed and going and talking for an hour. That is so unlike me, even ina depression I’ll go to her, I want to go to her. Today I dropped my son off at camp, came home and slept again. I skipped my PT and my spine dr appointment, which I shouldn’t have done because my back is really bad. At least I didn’t skip pdoc. I only went to her because I had a job interview right after.

My job interview went ok. I felt like I was super awkward. I kind of play off the interviewer and this guy was awkward himself so it made me feel awkward so I kind of think I bombed it. I’d be shocked if I got a call back. Shame because it seems like an easy gig. Receptionist at a prosthodontics office. Laid back, etc. oh well.

I went down to NV’s house later today. We watched a movie. He was talking about how someday he was gonna buy a house like his aunt’s (whom he lives with) and we were gonna live there. I said I’d never be able to afford a house. Any house. He said no babe, you don’t have to. We will. I thought that was really sweet. He’s really thinking of a future with me. He’s basically already seen me at my lowest. Can’t get any lower than a hospitalization, right? So there was only up to go from there. I just hope I continue to stabilize and I don’t **** it all up like I tend to do.

Blech. I hope I’m more motivated tomorrow. I can’t be sleeping all the damn time.