hi jellylake, thank you for sharing this with us. echoing others above--feel free to share more if you need or want to as you continue working though this.

as for having these memories--do these flashbacks ever make you unsafe, and if so, are there things you usually do to help you until the flashback (assuming it's a flashback--let me know if this isn't the right word to describe it) passes? not necessarily ignoring it, but something to connect you to the present and keep you safe in the moment--such as calling for some company, going to a hobby when you need some peace, or even something like hugging a nice pillow. it sounds like things are confusing so I'm jut asking this to see if you're doing okay as you work through these questions.

regardless of which memories connect to your past, all this is definitely worth taking care of and I'm glad you're reaching out about it!