To a certain extent, yes. I've wondered why and how I'm still alive when I didn't want it before (had a couple of attempts in the past) and my brother (killed 2 years ago) wanted to live, but ended up dying. So in that way, I wonder why I was spared and he wasn't. He had more living to do than I did.

I do tell myself that I have to take better care of myself and make most of what I was given.