tulips - that's exactly it! I had wondered if she'd call, talked myself out of her calling - and when she DOES call- i can't talk at all or tell her that i had found a tool that might be used later. And BAM it is used within 15 minutes of her call. I just don't get it. A new member reminded me that this might be the layers and layers of programming - someone cares and checks in and that's the cue to try and make myself un... unable to be cared for - make me so beyond help that she'll give up and stop trying to "help" me get through everything.

"This letter will self-destruct" - Inspector Gaget.